Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
