I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
