I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she told me i tasted like america
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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