If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
