what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
