Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
