I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
