He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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