Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
