Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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