sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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