whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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