I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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