oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
