And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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