yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
