i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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