It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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