I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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