At least make sure they are 18
Why
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
