Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
