I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
