She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
a search helicopter?!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
