I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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