Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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