That's intense
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
