You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
