I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
