When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
