Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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