It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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