First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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