I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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