I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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