anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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