I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
