I wanna bring you to show and tell
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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