those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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