I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
