I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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