just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
