I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
