So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
