Christians are straight up FREAKS
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
