Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
