you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
