either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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