I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
