What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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