i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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