Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
