I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
