Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its about making memories worth repressing
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
