Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
