Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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