Will you blow on my dice?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
