can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
