is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
