He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
