can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
