We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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