God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
