Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
