Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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