I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
