Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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