i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
