I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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