I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
