if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize