How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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