and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
