I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Who died my cat blue again?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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