We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
