the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How naked do you want me to be?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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