remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
