I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't turn off my feet"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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