I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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