Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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